If you're married or thinking about getting married, at some point or another you've wondered what better sex in marriage would be like or how sex in marriage could be improved.
Keeping the sexual spark alive in a marriage or in a long-term relationship is easier said than done. However, couples who take time to cultivate and maintain healthy and satisfying sexual relations tend to be more connected with each other and do not suffer from depression, heart problems and other health maladies, experts say.
The daily routines of life — whether careers, children or financial responsibilities — challenge couples to keep alive that flame that initially brought them together. From a practical standpoint, there's less time for sex and intimacy as relationships develop and individual partners take on more responsibilities.
Furthermore, aging brings on a host of physical conditions that can affect life in the bedroom. These include sexual dysfunction, cardiovascular conditions, arthritis and rheumatism, and a host of other problems.
Whatever the reasons for brewing trouble in the bedroom — whether emotional or physical in nature — the good news is that many such problems are easily treated. Moreover, troubles in a couple's sexual relationship are often signs of other problems, and can serve as a warning sign for still bigger troubles ahead.
"A good sex life is an important part of an individual's overall health," says Mark Schoen, Ph.D., director of sex education for the Sinclair Intimacy Institute. "People who have a good sex life feel better [mentally and physically]."
"Sex can be a wonderful cementer or a terrible wedge" for relationships, says Dr. Linda Banner, Ph.D., a licensed sex therapist specializing in marriage and relationship counseling and a researcher associated with Stanford University Medical School.
Adults Have Sex 61 Times a YearAdults, on average, have sex about 61 times per year, or slightly more than once a week, according to University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center. Marital status and age are key influences in sexual activity.
Sexual activity is 25 percent to 300 percent greater for married couples versus the non-married, depending on age. The 1998 University of Chicago report that compiled available sex research also concluded that intercourse is more frequent among couples in happier marriages.
Friday, July 13, 2007
Libido
Libido is the term that the noted founder of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, used to label the sexual drive or sexual instinct. He noted that the sexual drive is characterized by a gradual buildup to a peak of intensity, followed by a sudden decrease of excitement.
As he studied this process in his patients, Freud concluded that various activities like eating and drinking, as well as urination and defecation share this common pattern. Consequently, he regarded these behaviors as sexual or libidinous as well.
Freud also became interested in the development of the libido, which he saw as the basic and most powerful human drive. He believed that the development of the libido involved several distinct and identifiable stages.
Freud's Theory on How Libido DevelopsDuring infancy, he noted, sexual drive is focused on the mouth, primarily manifested in sucking. He labeled this the oral stage of libidinous development. During the second and third years of a child's life, as the child is undergoing toilet training, focus and erotically tinged pleasure shifts to rectal functions. Freud labeled this the anal stage.
Later, during puberty, focus shifts again to the sex organs, a period of development he labeled the phallic stage in the maturation of the libido.
During the later stage of development, libidinal drives focus at first on the parent of the opposite sex and add an erotic coloring to the child's experience of his/her parents. Parental disapproval of uncontrolled libidinal drive, Freud believed,leads to the development of a human psyche that is made up of three components; the id, the ego and the superego. He concluded that the id, or basic set of instincts and drives (including the libido but also other drives like aggression), provides the psychic energy needed to initiate activities.
The ego, an executive function, directs the day-to-day fulfillment of libidinous and other desires in socially acceptable and achievable ways.
The superego labels the learned and internalized social standards of behavior, including an awareness of banned or punishable behaviors. During wakeful periods, strong boundaries separate these three arenas, but during sleep and fantasy the boundaries weaken, giving rise to open expression of otherwise controlled libidinous desires. Conscious awareness of these unrestrained desires and fantasies can cause the person to feel sexual guilt or shame.
Freud believed that an individual's personality is established early on in life and is determined by the ways in which basic drives and impulses such as libido are satisfied. Failure to satisfy libidinal and other drives leads to their repression with resulting consequences for the development of an individual's personality and psychological health.
As he studied this process in his patients, Freud concluded that various activities like eating and drinking, as well as urination and defecation share this common pattern. Consequently, he regarded these behaviors as sexual or libidinous as well.
Freud also became interested in the development of the libido, which he saw as the basic and most powerful human drive. He believed that the development of the libido involved several distinct and identifiable stages.
Freud's Theory on How Libido DevelopsDuring infancy, he noted, sexual drive is focused on the mouth, primarily manifested in sucking. He labeled this the oral stage of libidinous development. During the second and third years of a child's life, as the child is undergoing toilet training, focus and erotically tinged pleasure shifts to rectal functions. Freud labeled this the anal stage.
Later, during puberty, focus shifts again to the sex organs, a period of development he labeled the phallic stage in the maturation of the libido.
During the later stage of development, libidinal drives focus at first on the parent of the opposite sex and add an erotic coloring to the child's experience of his/her parents. Parental disapproval of uncontrolled libidinal drive, Freud believed,leads to the development of a human psyche that is made up of three components; the id, the ego and the superego. He concluded that the id, or basic set of instincts and drives (including the libido but also other drives like aggression), provides the psychic energy needed to initiate activities.
The ego, an executive function, directs the day-to-day fulfillment of libidinous and other desires in socially acceptable and achievable ways.
The superego labels the learned and internalized social standards of behavior, including an awareness of banned or punishable behaviors. During wakeful periods, strong boundaries separate these three arenas, but during sleep and fantasy the boundaries weaken, giving rise to open expression of otherwise controlled libidinous desires. Conscious awareness of these unrestrained desires and fantasies can cause the person to feel sexual guilt or shame.
Freud believed that an individual's personality is established early on in life and is determined by the ways in which basic drives and impulses such as libido are satisfied. Failure to satisfy libidinal and other drives leads to their repression with resulting consequences for the development of an individual's personality and psychological health.
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